“Which graveyard is the burial at?” he asked me. His tanned face was clean shaven with glasses and shoulder length, swept-back hair. But the most striking thing about him was the designer clothes and footwear he was wearing. His shoes alone must have cost several hundred pounds, if not more.
He looked more like a movie star or a professional footballer on his day off rather than someone exiting a mosque. He certainly did not look “devout.”
By now, hundreds of worshippers had come out of the mosque after Friday Prayers and were mingling on the pavement outside. At least outwardly, most of these worshippers appeared to be more devout than the man with the swept-back hair but none of them asked where the graveyard was.
My first reaction was surprise. He certainly didn’t seem like the type who would volunteer to go to a graveyard to bury someone. I wondered whether he was a relative of the woman who had died so I asked him.
“Someone said that the lady only had one male relative and they need volunteers to help with the burial so I thought I would go and help out,” he replied.
Three days earlier I had just finished praying the dawn Fajr prayer at the mosque when the Imam announced that during the night a woman had died across the road from the mosque. Her body was still in her bedroom on the top floor so help was needed to bring her body down to the funeral services van.
It was around 5.30am. Along with 8-9 other men I went to the house. Only three of the volunteers were what one might call “able-bodied men” – the rest were elderly men.
When we reached the bedroom on the top, loft extension floor, there was a single bed in the middle of the room. On the bed was a small body lying on a bed wrapped up in a white bedsheet. There was some liquid discharge near where her mouth was.
We held the corners of the sheet and carried her downstairs. Her body was surprisingly light.
As the others placed the body onto a trolley and prepared to push it into the van, I noticed an elderly woman standing at the door. She was watching the spectacle and weeping quietly.
I went up to the elderly woman and asked her if she was related to the woman who had just died. “Yes. She was my daughter,” she replied. I asked her daughter’s name, how old she was and whether the death was unexpected.
She told me that her daughter was 40, unmarried with no children, and had suffered from cancer for two years. Her death was expected. She left behind her mother, and her brother, who joined us as we were talking.
“She won’t suffer any more pain after tonight inshallah [God-willing],” I said to the elderly woman before I left.
As I drove back home, I told my sister what I had just seen during the last 20 minutes. Ironically, the death took place on the next street to my sister’s house. The bedroom light was still visible from my sister’s kitchen.
“I wonder what special status she must have had with Allah, that out of thousands of people in the community, Allah chose for her body to be lifted only by those few who had just prayed Fajr in the mosque,” my sister commented.
An appeal had gone out in the community that volunteers were needed to help with the burial on Friday. I happened to be free that day so I had come prepared with my boots and rough clothes.
With me was former Guantanamo detainee Shaker Aamer; whenever anyone is in need of help, he is always there. He told me that he had never before attended a burial in the UK.
We arrived at the graveyard. A few cars carrying a total of about 15 volunteers had turned up for the burial, most of whom did not know the family of the dead woman.
Among the cars was a new Mercedes Benz SLK convertible sports car. Out of it stepped the man with the swept-back hair.
Since it was cold, it took longer than normal to bury the body. We were having to break the hard soil with our shoes; or, in the case of the man with the swept-back hair, with expensive designer shoes. He was there in the mud, not caring for a second about his clothes or footwear.
At least I had come prepared for the burial; this man was given no such warning. He had come to the mosque from work, dressed for Friday Prayers and here he was, getting dirty at the burial of someone whose name he didn’t even know.
As soon as the burial was over, he shook hands with the other volunteers, got into the Mercedes and, in a flash, was gone. None of us knew his name, let alone who he was.
After the Eid prayer at my local mosque a few weeks ago, I spotted an immaculately dressed man in a suit easily worth several thousand pounds. It was the man with the swept-back hair.
I embraced him for Eid and reminded him that I had met him at the burial a few months ago. He had forgotten about the burial but remembered after I jogged his memory. I asked him his name and what he did.
“I am a precious metals trader,” he replied.
After exchanging pleasantries we both went our separate ways. I have never seen him since.
Reflecting on the man with the swept-back hair, I thought about the times when we are sometimes quick to judge a person’s character based on their outward appearance.
Outwardly, this man did not appear to be a devout worshipper of Allah. But when it mattered, when others who looked more devout than him fell short, this man stepped up to the mark and fulfilled his duty.
My experience with this man reminded me of what the Prophet Moses (peace be upon him) said to his people:
“I see that you wear the humble clothes of devout people, but your hearts are like the hearts of wolves. Wear the clothes of kings if you like, but humble your hearts towards God.”
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If you have any experiences to share where you wrongly judged someone based on their outward appearance, why don’t you share them in the Comments box below?
beautiful and deep………..
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Jazakallahukhayra for sharing this very important message.
It was something I certainly needed to be reminded of.
When it comes to it, I think we often do not separate issues and therefore make a ‘blanket statement’ or in some cases, ‘label’.
He is a ‘bad’ person, meaning ‘everything’ he does is bad. He is a ‘good’ person, meaning ‘everything’ he does is good.
Eg, we see someone who is committing a sin.
Suddenly we become the judge and jury.
We either;
immediately ‘label’ them, when humans are more complex and therefore it is wrong to put one or more labels on them.
We become their judge (something that is not our job, as Allah alone is the judge). Now suddenly we know ‘exactly’ what is in their heart.
We completely write them off.
We feel we are ‘definitely’ better than them, and that we know ‘exactly’ and ‘fully’ how they are.
What we don’t do, however, is what we are supposed to do. What our responsibility is in that moment;
– Thank Allah that He has guided us, in that we are not committing the particular sin he is.
– Advise him in private , in a kind, gentle, wise manner, as we are his mirror as he is ours. Perhaps he may be forgiven for not realising, and we will be taken to account for staying silent when we saw another do something displeasing to Allah. Perhaps he may realise, and repent, and be forgiven… and we may still be taken to account for not advising, etc, since we were too busy judging him, that we missed the point.
-To love for your brother what you love for yourself. If you were unknowingly walking towards a pit, would you want someone to atleast warn you?
Or would you think to yourself, -after falling into the pit-, ‘well it wasn’t any of his business was it, to warn me’, ‘he didnt ‘know’ me’, so he couldn’t warn me etc.
– When advising, it is also very important to remember that that is our responsibility. Other than that, it is neither our responsibility, nor is it in our control to ‘guide’ that person, whereby he immediately does as we have advised. We often can’t separate between the two. Our responsibility, and what is in our control, and what is not.
We have to ultimately fear our standing in front of Allah, and do or not do things based on that.
Whether the person ‘listens’, takes heed, or doesn’t, is indeed a matter between him and Allah.
Allah did not give us the job to ‘keep and eye on him’, to ‘make sure he does xyz’ etc.
Some may say, I don’t have the confidence to go up to a random person that I have just met, and advise them… However, where there is a will, there is a way. You can write a note to them, you can gently change the thing you see wrong where possible.
At the very least, you can make dua for that person, and ask Allah’s forgiveness for your inability to advise him.
We do it all wrong. we often immediately judge… Which can be a sign of arrogance in us. Did we guide ourselves?
Then is it it a wonder, when people pick up vibes from us, of being judgemental, of thinking we are better than them, just because maybe our sins are not visible to others, or other vibes, they respond rudely to our advice.
That is not to say that if you advise in the correct manner, you won’t be faced with rudeness.
You may be, as the prophets and all those who called to good were… and that is something you will have to bear patiently, for your own sake.
Jazakallahukhayra again for bringing this up.
I hope you do not mind me sharing what I have learnt over the years here.
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Very insightful advice, thank you for sharing, very true.
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One final point, perhaps a person whom you judge, and think you know ‘how’ they are, may be forgiven because of one single good deed that they did sincerely for Allah, while you may be punished for one single bad deed you did.
It reminds me of the story of the woman and the cat, and the man and the dog, as well as the man who used to drink and would face punishment, and when our prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam heard someone say something about him, he said, ‘leave him, for he loves Allah and his messenger’
And Allah knows best.
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Actions are according to their endings.
Since I was 4-5, I grew up seeing a man who when you looked at him, you would not see any signs of Islam in Him.
Someone pointed him out to me around 15 or more years later, and not only had he completely changed his outward appearance, he was involved in some very important work that many in the muslim Ummah neglect.
Still, we cannot judge him, as only Allah alone knows how his ending will be.
May Allah grant us alls good ending, and rid us of arrogance. Aameen.
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We are so quick to judge sometimes well to be honest most of the time. JazakAllah hu kahir for sharing ☺.
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Great reminder alhamdulillah.
Love, love, love the statement of Musa عليه السلام at the end! JazakAllāh Khayr once again!
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Alll I can say is SUBHANA ALLAH
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MashAllah an excellent reminder…
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Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,
In sha Allah I have an idea re how you can expand on what you are already doing (posting here).
I would appreciate it if you could drop me an email when possible as I am neither on Facebook nor Twitter.
Jazakallahukhayra.
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Every person has good in them. Find the good and help them to increase it or bring it out without making it obvious. If the intention is only for Allah’s sake, Allah will reward your secret deed a great deal in-sha Allah.
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We all judge each other through the actions we see of one another..whether knowingly or unknowingly ..and we will all be judged by the Almighty on the day of days..may Allah guide us to the truth and forgive us our sins..life is short lets prepare..one love x
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Jazak Allah for the reminder.
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