Once upon a time there was a woman who lived with her husband and children. Her husband was a nice man and she was a good woman.
The only problem was: his mother was horrible.
She was otherwise a decent lady but to her daughter-in-law she was… a witch.
She would insult her daughter-in-law, humiliate her, taunt her, comment on her looks, her hair, her upbringing, her cooking, the way she was bringing up the children…
It appeared to the daughter-in-law that her mother-in-law’s sole aim in life was to turn her son against his wife.
His mother would plant seeds into his mind about how his wife had seemingly disrespected her, or other members of the family.
Most of the arguments that the couple had were because of the insecurities of his mother.
Unsurprisingly, she hated her mother-in-law. Resented her, despised her, abhorred her.
She could not understand why any mother would wish to cause her son to become unhappy by ruining his marriage. How could such a mother claim to love her own son, let alone his wife?
With time, her unhappiness turned to psychological torture. Eventually, the torture became unbearable.
So she decided to kill her mother-in-law.
She went to a wise man and explained her problem to him. She asked him for some poison that she could put in her mother-in-law’s food.
The wise man gave her the poison but told her that it would take 30 days to take effect.
“During these 30 days, you have to be extra nice to your mother-in-law, so that when she dies, no-one will suspect that you were responsible,” the wise man told her.
The woman rushed home and that evening she poured the whole vial of poison into her mother-in-law’s food. That night, for the first time in years, the daughter-in-law slept soundly, happy that soon the problem would be no more.
The next day she began to be extra nice to her mother-in-law. Whenever she would visit, she would talk to her, ask about her day, buy her gifts…
This continued for the first week and second week. By the third week her mother-in-law began to respond and be nice to her in return. By the fourth week she actually began to… not hate her mother-in-law.
“I don’t love her but I don’t hate her either,” the girl thought. “I can live with this.”
Then she remembered that there was only a few days left before the poison would kill her mother-in-law. She had now changed her mind.
She now didn’t want her mother-in-law to die. Her husband and her children would be devastated if her mother-in-law died.
In a panic she rushed back to the wise man.
“Please, please, give me an anti-dote to the poison!” she cried. “I don’t want to kill my mother-in-law, things are OK between us now. Please, I beg you, I don’t want her to die!”
The wise man listened to her.
“In the vial I gave you there was not a drop of poison, it was only water,” he began.
“I knew that once you began to make an effort to be extra nice to your mother-in-law she would have no choice but to respond in a similar way.”
“Whenever any relationship breaks down, before we blame the other person we have to ask ourselves if there is anything that we are doing to contribute to the breakdown and what we can change about ourselves to make the relationship better.”
“Every relationship requires a regular investment. What we put into it is what we get out of it.”
Do you have a story to share about a relationship between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law? If so, why don’ you share it? (Don’t share your own story because your mother-in-law might be reading this!)
My story and why I blog here.
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Ahh!! My dad narrated this story to me so many times 😀 . And added with exact same line “bata, before blaming someone, analyse your actions towards that person”
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Ended*
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Not quite what I had in mind but my point was that by positive behaviour usually, but not always, brings a positive response. This does not mean that one should suffer in silence.
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Ooh okay. 👍
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Wow.
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Beautiful story, and lesson. JazakAllahu Khairan for sharing.
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You don’t always get out what you invest in a relationship. I kissed my other in law’s as for a year trying to get her to like me but bottom line is she is biased. She wanted her son to marry his ex instead of me, she still keeps the ex close to her this very day
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Dear friend Myongsuk88,
Thank you for sharing your story. I read the longer article you posted on your blog.
I am sorry to hear of the way you have been treated. Some mothers in law are evil beyond description.
It just does not make sense how your husband’s ex-fiance is given more preference by the family despite your and your husband’s wishes.
She might be using your husband’s ex as warning stick to use against you as leverage, as some sort of control freak behaviour.
The good thing is that your husband is on your side and realises what his own mother is doing.
One can only hope that with time either the ex will move on, or your mother in law will come to her senses.
Until then, try to make the best out of a bad situation and don’t let this sad state of affairs interfere with the upbringing of your son.
You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
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Thank you so much for your wise words, I really needed to hear that. I’m surprised the ex sticks around after knowing how much damage she is causing between my husband and his mother. It’s been almost 3 years since they have been apart and she still sticks around. It’s just something I’ve never experienced, we don’t know how to deal with it. Thanks again for your response.
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If you want, I’ve got a daughter in law story who has stopped her mother in law or even her sister in law children from seeing or speaking to her children. Worst part is mother in law still lives at home. Mother in law would cook , clean and look after her kuds. No matter how kind you are, if a person has greed or selfishness, no positivity or kindness will result in it coming back. This is a sad part of our times.
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The problem usually occurs because we don’t treat people like our own. Mothers don’t treat DILs like her own daughter and girls don’t treat their MILs like her own mother.
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